kids are assholes

Bro Hug

Grade 11 Russell asked me for a bro hug today. I obliged.

Predicting

Turns out Andy, the speller, can also do math pretty well.

Me: Is Michael 10? Is he 14?
Andy: No! He isn't 100, okay?

Professional Development

This is a note passed to me and my colleague by a real-live teacher.

Teacher's college

Such a joke!

Professor sent me this letter, regarding a shitty assignment.

Pound?

Grade 11 George asked me today whether or not I was going to pound this weekend.

Wait. What?!

The most wonderful time of the year

We went to Starbucks and asked for something festive, but coffee. So I got a French Vanilla with a mint flavour shots. It was soooo festive!

EXPLOSION

We were making posters for Grade 11 Math class and one student says:

I'm gonna draw an explosion. Cause I'm manly like that.

Spelling

This one you've got to read aloud to achieve the best effect:
Me: Andy, do you know how to spell your name?
Andy (5 years old): A - ANDY - Y

Bat on bat violence

Sixth-grader, Alan was explaining to me how you can be mean when you're scared.

For example, if there was a bat flying around your head but you were extremely scared of it, you would grab a bat and whack it.

Oh, puns.

I'm currently teaching high school math to three very ept students. Whenever they have questions, I know I'll be stumped because these girls get everything I get.
So it surprised me when in the middle of a test, one of my girls asked me "what's the number one million?"
I refused to answer.

Rock band

I've got a Grade 10 high school student, John, who's in a rock band. I decided to share this information with another student of mine, Jason, Grade 5.
Jason: Does that guy come here to get tutored?
Me: Yeah. His name's John and he's in a band.
Jason: Yeah... he looks like he's in a band.

Learning Languages

One of our newest students recently arrived in Canada from China. Today he went on a walk with my co-worker, learning names of nouns on the street. My co-worker, J, trying to refresh his memory:
J: If there is a fire, where does the water come out of?
Fred, 16: Fire... fire... hy -- he -- uhhh?
J: Yeah, you almost got it.
Fred: Fire hose-tree!

I was chatting with my co-worker about baseball games and trying to be subtle because there were kids around.
Me: So can you get beverages at baseball games?
Jason (Grade 5): You can get beer.

Phobias

Kevin: Terrence, I'm scared.
Me: Why?
Kevin: Well, there's this really popular girl in my class. She's apparently the most popular girl in the whole of Grade 5.
Me: So why are you scared? Is she being mean to you?
Kevin: She bit me.

It's like my iPod's stuck on replay

Max H. was trying to explain this new song about Johnny and Melanie. I had no idea what he was talking about. Then I realised that mondegreens (misheard lyrics) are the best from kids. Max was singing:
Johnny's likes Melanie in my head...
Iyaz's hit song "Replay" contain the lyrics:
Shawty's like a melody in my head...

Spiders

John B., SK, made quite an insight the other day:

Spiders poo the string for webs!

Imagine living in a house made of your feces...